


Disillusionment

by mikkithegazette



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Complicated Relationships, Conflict, Drama, Edo Tensei, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fourth Shinobi War, Hostage Situations, Kekkei Genkai | Bloodline Limit, Loss, Might have a happy ending but I haven't decided yet, Original Clans, Pre-Established Relationship, Romance, Terminal Illnesses, Tragedy, Violence, multi-chapter, original jutsu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 20:00:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13888101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikkithegazette/pseuds/mikkithegazette
Summary: She loved Itachi. That much was certain. What wasn't certain was if her rage and hatred towards him outweighed that.





	1. Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> I've had San, as a character and idea, in my mind for years -- since I was a little kid, actually. When I was just getting into my double digits, me and my sister came up with our own Naruto characters and actually pretended we were kunoichi living in Konoha. We had our own relationships, made up stories, went on our own missions and everything. I've also had an unhealthy obsession with Itachi Uchiha since I was in elementary school. Even when I stopped paying attention to the anime when I was a teenager, San was always at the back of my mind and I doodled her on occasion, and I've always kept up with Itachi's storyline . A few weeks ago, I came down with the worst flu I've ever had and the medication I was taking kept me up for days without even an hour of sleep. Coincidentally, that was around the same time I started really getting back into obsessing over Itachi Uchiha's overall characterization and I got hit with a burst of creativity I haven't had in almost two years. This is what came out of it! It'll definitely be an ongoing story and I won't abandon this one like I've done countless other fanfics. Also chapters will be updated within a week or two of each other, so make sure to follow the story! ♥
> 
> I hope you all end up enjoying this. This is for Sally, the first person in years I've been able to connect with about this particular emotionally dumb Uchiha. ♥

There are few things in life that ever genuinely caught San Ichikari off guard. In fact, she could probably count on one hand how many times she had been truly and pleasantly surprised at something. She keeps at arm's length from people, and they stay away from her. She liked it. It was part of the reason she didn't mind so much that she had to be kept so far away from the rest of society – as if she was welcome in the first place. For the past few years, her only constant company had been the birds the fed on a regular basis, the mountains and dark clouds around her, and the old piano in the corner of her tiny living room. It was almost pleasant enough to forget it wasn't meant to be a home.

The only interaction she had with the outside world was when Sasori, her best friend and someone she considered her big brother, brought her food and sat to chat with her for a few minutes one day out of the week. She found herself looking forward to Sundays when she could have a decent conversation with the unusual man. San knew the feelings were most likely one-sided, but she never minded. The fact that he took a little time out of his schedule to talk to her (he was a very punctual man and hated waiting or making others wait on him) was enough to garner her attention.

Everything was a routine and expected, and it had been for years.

What did surprise her, however, was the pair of eyes she came face to face with when she opened her front door on a particularly rainy Sunday evening.

The visit wasn't exactly a serendipitous one. The last person she ever expected to see grace her little shack in the middle of the dark forests of Amegakure was her childhood friend, Itachi Uchiha. He stood there in the rain in all black clothing and his hair thrown in a messy ponytail, an unreadable expression on his face. At first glance, he had barely changed in the years it had been since she last saw him. Upon further inspection, however, she noticed the signs of maturity. His face was thinner, more masculine. The sleep lines around his eyes were deeper and he showed obvious signs of fatigue, but the most surprising thing about him was the very faintest hint of happiness on his face. If her memory served her correct, that was something that didn't happen quite often.

Neither of them had spoken a word; they just stood there and took each other's appearance in. He looked her over as well and noticed she looked relatively normal. A bit skinnier than last time, but still very much herself. Eventually, though, the frigid wind prompted her to motion for him to come inside, albeit a little reluctantly, and after preparing a hot cup of tea for him and putting away the food he brought her, they sat in tense silence while avoiding eye contact.

So many thoughts were going through San's head, but the main concern that stood out was the whereabouts of her dear friend. If someone else had been sent to visit her on the days that were specifically reserved for Sasori, then something was wrong. He could have been stuck on a mission that required him to be away for some time or been injured. However, something in her gut kept pulling her mind in the direction of the worst-case scenario.

She hadn't heard him call her name the first time, the sound barely above a whisper. Only when he spoke a little louder did she look in his direction.

"You look well."

San only frowned at that, giving him a single nod before taking a long sip of her drink. He knew she hated small talk. That much hadn't changed.

He sighs and puts his cup down, the air around them growing noticeably thicker from the conversation soon coming. He figured she already knew what was going on just by context alone, and that expression of grief and vexation across her face gave away her anxieties.

"San –"

"Why are you here, Uchiha?"

The tone in her voice effectively silenced him, not expecting the venom laced in her words. Her gaze was icy despite her eyes' unique fiery red, and for the first time in a long time he felt uneasy. Of course, she would bring that out in him; she was the only person that could. Even when they were teenagers, he always felt sorry for anyone that was the target of her scrutiny. In those moments, he wanted to tell her everything without holding back.

"There has been a change of arrangements," the man said. At the lift of her brow, he decided to elaborate. "Sasori will not be coming here."

"You say that as if that's news to me," San said coolly, taking a sip of her drink and remaining on guard, her mind running through every possibility as to why he could be there while avoiding the obvious. "I've evaded everyone unexpected over the past few years. I would say I'm doing an excellent job, save for this one instance."

"I suppose you're right."

The air was strained after the short exchange. There were many unsaid words in between them that were just begging to be brought up, but neither of them knew how to deal with it. They wouldn't know where to start. That alone was enough to keep their guards up. Him, because with her animosity towards him he could have walked right into a trap, and knowingly so. Her, because.... well, he was Itachi Uchiha. Even if she were to plan to attack him at arm's length, he would still be five steps ahead of her.

The silence became unbearable after a while, and San decided to stand up and put her cup in the sink, using the momentary isolation to put her hand over her heart and will her heart to stop its insanely fast beating against her chest.

As soon as she was out of sight, Itachi sighed quietly. On top of this news, he knew that she wasn't exactly happy to see him. What he did to her was going to leave lasting scars, -- more mental than physical -- but he never stuck around long enough to see the result of what he had done. He also knew that she had no memory of the particular night that she changed – when it was decided that she would be bound to this place in the middle of the woods. Being kept busy with missions from the Akatsuki was enough to take his mind off it, but it was something that always haunted him alongside many other things. It would have been easier if she knew everything, but he was never so lucky. Knowing that she was kept away and safe was all that mattered.

"Damn it," she whispered, the emotion she was trying so hard to conceal reflecting in those two words. There were so many thoughts going through her mind that she didn't know what to do with herself. This careful routine she had fallen into was disrupted and the realization of everything made her need to get away.

Quietly rushing to her room without a word to Itachi, she went to her closet and reached for the box sitting at the top rack, putting the box on her bed and opening it to reveal an unused cloak resembling the man in the other room's. The main difference between theirs and the one in front of her was it ripped in several places and stained in blood.

Almost as if on cue, she felt a disturbance in the air, clenching her jaw when she felt the onslaught of powerful chakra around her. The day was just getting better and better.

"You guys came for me, huh," she said out loud. When she looked back at her doorway, Itachi was standing there with his eyes stuck on the floor. "I know they're here. Tell them to come out."

 


	2. Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news: New chapter!  
> Less than good news: This chapter is a little shorter than planned  
> On the bright side: It's shorter because the next chapter is going to be long. And we get a fight scene in that one!

It wasn’t long before they started surrounding her home. On instinct, her eyes glowed bright crimson and she looked around with her new infrared vision. She could see all of them right outside of her house and when she looked over at Itachi, he was looking anywhere but her. The woman scoffed and turned back to the box on the bed, closing the box and leaving it alone for the time being.

“You’re hard to look for, you know that?" She nearly rolled her eyes at the familiar yet ridiculously annoying voice that spoke up but decided to just keep her attention on the materials in front of her.

“That’s the point, dipshit.”

A snicker came from the corner behind her and when she turned around, Hidan was standing right next to Itachi. Absolutely nothing had changed about him. In fact, the only thing that may have changed was that his presence was somehow even more irritating. “Aww, don’t be like that, doll!”

Barely moving his head out of the way in time, the platinum blond narrowly avoided his eye being impaled by a blade no bigger than a fingernail would. The woman in front of him glowered and Itachi was reminded yet again about feeling sorry for anyone under the red-eyed woman’s furious gaze. Even someone as infuriatingly playful as Hidan saw the error of his ways and just walked out of the room grumbling about her taking things too seriously. In that next second, she heard a deep, impatient voice call out for her from her living room. With reluctance to see the man calling her, she huffed and walked past Itachi, not bothering to look his way when he moved out of her way.

“Kakuzu,” she said once she came into the older man’s line of sight. He looked in her direction with a frown on his face, Zetsu on his right side.

“Sandagura,” he said, making her visibly cringe at the use of her full name. “It’s nice to see you after so many years.”

“Forgive me for not returning your sentiments. I was having a rather peaceful time reading before I was interrupted by you lapdogs.”

“You’re lovely as always.” Even with her rudeness, he wasn’t fazed. Zetsu wasn’t the happiest about her tone of voice, but with one look from her, he was reminded that it wasn’t worth it; he knew better than to pick a fight with the female.

“He figured Itachi was the one that could be a more welcoming face for you than the rest of us. You’ll have to forgive _me_ for wasting your time.”

“Apology accepted.” Frowning, she walked into her kitchen, ignoring the predatory gaze following her every move looking at her through her window. There was only one person that would ever be willing to stand out in the rain instead of taking his weapon of choice off to fit inside, and she wasn’t too happy to see him, either, even if he was the one that managed to make her chuckle on rare occasions. In fact, her antisocial personality was shining in those few minutes. She took the cup of now lukewarm tea she offered to Itachi earlier and threw the contents down the sink, rinsing the dish off before putting it in the drying rack.

“Did you really need five people to come?”

“I would have had everyone come, but we all know how much you like crowds.”

San rolled her eyes. She was almost flattered they thought they needed so many people as backup. They could be so dramatic.

“So are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to get on my knees and beg? I fucking dare you to say something, Hidan.”

Just as he was about to open his mouth, both Itachi and Kakuzu glared at him, effectively shutting him up and making him throw his hands in the air in surrender. Clearing his throat, Kakuzu spoke again, his tone more solemn. “Sasori and Deidara are dead.”

The words caught her by surprise. Of all the things he could have said to her, San didn’t expect to hear that. She blinked a few times and looked to the other men in the room to confirm what he was saying, getting a nod from them as well. “Oh…”

She never cared much for Deidara. Couldn’t stand being around him, actually. He was even more crude to her than Hidan was, but she recognized the power he had. Hearing about Sasori’s death, on the other hand, nearly broke her heart.

Keeping her composure neutral, she straightened and locked her gaze with Kakuzu’s. “I’m sorry to hear about that. Are you aware of who did it?”

“Konoha shinobi, not too long ago.”

“So you sought me out to replace them.”

“Not replace,” he reminded her. “You were already apart of us. We’re merely....how should I say this? Taking you out of time out, for now.”

San narrowed her eyes at him at his word choice, and the atmosphere tensed even more. Her eyes glowed bright again as a threat and she felt the others in the room straighten up, ready to restrain her if needed. It would be arrogant to assume they were afraid of her, but they knew what she was capable of. She was more controlled and able to keep her emotions in check now, but none of them forgot what she did when they first pushed her buttons little too much. Not to mention Kakuzu wasn’t exactly someone she would want to fight in the first place; she very much valued her life.

With a smirk, she shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. “What do you need me to do?”

“For now, just be ready to hear from us at a moment’s notice,” Kakuzu responded, standing up from the chair that was in the corner and motioning for the others in the room to get ready to leave. “Make sure you’re ready for what’s coming.”

“And what would that be?”

“Itachi will be staying here with you,” he continued without paying attention to her question. “Sitting around drinking tea all day doesn’t do anything except make you lazy, so train.”

Before she could protest, they were all gone, leaving her alone with the raven-haired man just feet away from her. With a clenched fist, she returned to her room and shut the door. She was so angry that tears were threatening to spill from her eyes, but she wiped them away and went over to her bed, throwing the box across the room with a loud grunt and crashing on the soft mattress. She heard Itachi’s footsteps retreat until he was on the other side of the shack, which wasn’t far at all, and buried her face in her pillow to muffle her sniffles.

She knew this day was coming eventually, whether she wanted it to or not. The circumstances of her being needed again were sorrowful, though. She thought of all the moments she shared with Sasori over the short years they had together and mourned him until she fell asleep.

* * *

 

_The rattle of chains finally subsided when a deep sleep took her over, and Itachi finally rested his eyes. If he was going to get any sleep, he was going to have to do it while she wasn’t awake to figure out what was happening. Though she would be kept in the same mental space for as long as was needed, he had to be rested enough for when she could possibly escape. He reached out with a hesitant hand to run his fingertips over the shackles that bound her wrists to her sides, wanting so badly to release them. A deep sigh could be heard through the metal muzzle and he moved to the other side of the cave without a word. He gazed at her for a long while before closing his eyes and letting a little sleep take him over._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The funny thing about this chapter is that I apparently had a dream that I edited this, but when I went to post it, nothing was edited, so I had to try and recall what I could from my dream and add it to this. Yay for creative dreaming?


	3. Boiling Point

San woke up to the sound of birds chirping at her window. In her hazy state of mind, she’d forgotten all about the exchange from the previous night; all she could think about was getting in the shower and washing away the exhaustion that was deep in her bones. Stripping away her clothing from head to toe, she hummed to herself on her way to the bathroom. Even though the recollections of the previous night were starting to come back to her, the house looked as empty as it usually was.

She took her time letting the water soak her skin and her hair, not at all minding the heat that turned her pale skin a lovely shade of pink. She washed her hair and scrubbed at her skin, all the while thinking about her older brother figure again.

The last memory she had of him was filled with the color red. Red everywhere. On the ground, on their clothes, and on her own hands. And all the screaming; she couldn’t remember if it was her own voice or someone else’s. She could barely remember what happened that night; all she could recall was Sasori trying to keep her calm and then she was at the house she was currently residing at. _I’ll be back soon,_ he said to her, laying her disoriented body on the soft bed. _You’ll see me again. I promise_.

Her eyes were puffy, but she could tell if it was from her own tears or the water from the shower beating down on her face. Either way, she turned the faucet off and stepped out, grabbing the handmade quilted towel and wrapping it around her slender body before walking out.

The shack was still quiet save for her footsteps, and she was beginning to wonder if last night had really happened. But one look in the corner of the living room at the body resting there was all the confirmation she needed. It was all it took for her to get angry all over again, too. Not only did Kakuzu test her patience, but it was apparently a unanimous decision to assign a babysitter to her, as well. As a bonus, the babysitter in question was the last person on God’s green earth that she wanted to be near. This was one of his pettier ways, but if any of them thought she was going to be completely fine with it, they had another thing coming. The man in the other room was just going to have to deal with the brunt of that.

The woman got dressed quickly, putting on a tank top, protective bandages around her knuckles and knees, and sweatpants. At the last second, she reached over to her dresser and picked up the clawed ring her mother had given her long before she passed. No matter how much she didn’t want to admit it, Kakuzu was right. Her chakra was getting weaker because she hadn’t trained properly. At least with Itachi being around, she would have someone strong enough to spar with. She smirked as she wondered if the leader assigned Itachi in particular so she could have something to take her anger out on.

By the time San made it out of her room, Itachi was already awake. They gazed at each other for a few seconds before she went to her kitchen and took out a few eggs and a boiler to make rice. Once she finished cooking she fixed two plates, grabbed some tea, and sat them at the table in the middle of the room, sitting on the floor and picking up the chopsticks next to her plate so she could eat.

“You’re allowed to eat with me, you know,” she said after she noticed he didn’t make a move to join her.

“I’m not hungry.”

“I _insist_ you come eat. One, because it’s a waste of food if you don’t eat. Two, because you’ll need the energy to train with me. Three, it’s impolite.” Motioning to the spot across from her impatiently, she went back to her food when he decided to join her. One look at him and she noticed his hair was out of its usual messy ponytail; it must have fallen out while he was sleeping. His eyes remained red with Sharingan, most likely out of habit, but he kept them down towards his food.

They ate in silence, save for the occasional cough from him. San could smell the iron tinging his breath every time, but never said anything. She knew about his condition long before he gave it away; she doubted Itachi even knew that she was aware of it, and out of decent respect, she didn’t bring it up. No matter how much he tried to hide it, her nose never betrayed her.

It secretly worried her; it seemed to have gotten worse with time and she only just realized it. Before she could linger on it, she finished the last of her rice and tea and stood up to put her dishes away, washing them immediately and keeping her eyes on the dishes in front of her while Itachi stood next to her. She wouldn’t have minded it so much if he wasn’t standing close enough that she could feel his clothes brush against her skin. Clearing her throat, she stepped a little away from him and grabbed at his plate, only for him to resist giving it to her.

“Let me do this. You were kind enough to feed me.” As she was about to protest, he added a simple, “I insist.”

Sighing deeply, San moved out of his way and allowed him to clean whatever dishes were left, putting her long black hair in a high ponytail and making her way outside onto the open field.

It was still early enough that the sun was barely coming out – her favorite time of the day. Most of the time, she woke up before the sun just to see it rise. Something about the promise of a new day, something about leaving the past behind her always comforted her. It always reminded her that she had plenty of time to do whatever she could. She watched it rise with a genuine smile on her face while she stretched her limbs.

She didn’t notice the raven-haired man staring at her from the kitchen window. Itachi had finished what he was doing just a few minutes prior, and just took this time to look his old friend over. He knew it wasn’t real, but she seemed better. The isolation had done her more good than harm, as he had hoped would happen. He was fully aware that she hated him; that much he couldn’t avoid. It was nothing he wasn’t used to from everyone else important to him that he hurt. Some part of him hoped that feeling would fade over time, but she was just as stubborn and hot tempered as she ever was.

Itachi also knew that she would eventually find out the truth. Which truth, he didn’t know. There were so many of his lies stacked up that he would be buried in them if they all came down. Until then, he could just do what he could to keep the peace. And to stay alive.

With a sigh, he spends just a few moments more gazing at that beautiful smile on San’s face before heading outside with her, her expression falling once she caught sight of him.

 

“What are we working on today?” she asked, keeping her eyes at his feet once she saw his Sharingan had been activated. If she didn’t learn anything from being around Uchiha’s all her life, it was to never look them in the eyes while they had that damn thing activated.

“Everything.”

“You’re going to have to be a little more specific than that.”

“There are no specifications in a real battle. You must be prepared to use anything at any time or you’ll perish under your own expectations.”

Irritation was already feeding her already foul mood, and she had to remind herself to not let him work her up. That was the universal weakness with any shinobi: a fight driven by emotion and no strategy. Plus, he was right. As much as she wanted to hone in on specifics, there was no telling when Pein was going to need them. She would be useless if she only focused on perfecting a few of many of her flaws and her opponent ended up besting her.

With a smirk on her face, she used the clawed ring on her finger to pierce her thumb, the droplets immediately crystalizing into tiny – almost invisible – blades and without warning, she flung them at the man in front of her, using her chakra to make them target him at an abnormal speed. She used that moment of distraction to jump in the air and made a few quick hand signs to disappear to throw him off. When he jumped out of the way, the tiny crystals that hit the ground caused dust clouds to form from how hard they collided against the dirt. San could only imagine how that would have looked on his soft skin.

She used that moment to attack him mid-air, pulling a kunai from her belt and using it to stab his shoulder, cursing when it disappeared into a flock of crows. She momentarily closed her eyes as to not catch the eyes of any of the bird, releasing enough of her chakra to dissipate the black birds. Her eyes glowed red beneath her lids and she saw Itachi’s body heat coming towards her, allowing her to block and counter his attack before it even came. They fought close combat for a few short moments, their movements quick and precise, and when the time came to finally open her eyes, she slashed at his face and grunted when she missed him by barely an inch.

As much as she wanted to keep being physical with him, she knew he wouldn’t allow for close combat for long even though he was capable. She was forced to move away from him when he kicked at her stomach, the blow throwing her off just a bit before she stood at the defense.

They stood under the rising sun, a good distance away from one another. To make things more interesting (and to further test herself), she decided to slip off the bandage on her knee to tie it over her eyes.

“You’re being arrogant.”

With a shrug, she raised her fists and stood in her usual stance, ready to attack at a moment’s notice. This made Itachi smirk. The one disadvantage he had with what she was doing was that she could see even with her eyes closed. That makes most genjuitsu useless or harder to execute around her; it made her a challenging opponent for him.

She used her chakra to pick the blood crystals up off the ground behind him, shouting when she pulled them towards him. He only just missed being hit by most of them, his cloak sleeve being torn in several places before he appeared behind her, putting a kunai to her throat but splitting his attention on her and the clone that appeared from behind. He blocked attacks from both ends and disappears into a flock of crows again, his true self hiding in a tree nearby.

“Hiding already, Uchiha?” she taunted, both figures talking simultaneously. The man used his unique sight to see the chakra surrounding the two figures, frowning when one’s chakra wasn’t more prominent than the other. That meant the two women he saw in front of him were clones; the real San was hidden somewhere and shielding her chakra from him. As he scanned the area, the clones took turns taunting him. “Are you going to run away again like you did all those years ago? Are you going to bail on me, or are you going to fight me like the man you think you are?? Huh?!”

He narrowed his eyes at what she was saying, but he was able to ignore them for the most part. As he tried to tune her words out, he started to notice her chakra starting to give away somewhere near him. She was letting emotion take control again.

“Sasuke told me what you fucking did, you bastard! He told me how you murdered everyone in cold blood and told him to live his life searching for power with no other purpose. That’s disgusting! You spend your entire life hurting those that love you with no remorse or conscious and you had the nerve to –”

In her attempt to fish Itachi out of his hiding spot, San did the exact opposite: she gave herself away. Her chakra began to fluctuate on his far left and in no time, he tackled her out of a tree and once she was knocked onto her back on the ground, he held her down by putting his knee on her chest and pressing a kunai to her neck. He didn’t have to see her eyes to know she was glaring daggers at him, her fury radiating off her in waves.

“You’re letting your emotions take control,” he stated calmly. He kept her pinned down long enough for her harsh breathing to slow down and then stood up, walking away from her and dissipating her clones with a single throw of his kunai. “Again.”

“Fuck you, asshole!”

“Again,” he repeated.

In a rage, she took her blindfold off and lunged at him.

With any other battle, he would have done what he needed to do to survive. No matter the circumstances, and no matter the consequences, Itachi would treat her as any other opponent that came before her. Itachi’s natural instincts took over and soon enough, she was under his Tsukuyomi as soon as her eyes caught his. Her body immediately stopped moving and she stood where she was with a blank, lost expression.

San opened her eyes and all she saw was black and red. Everything around her was surreal, and even though she knew she was caught under a genjutsu, it still threw her off to see she was back in her childhood home. It wasn’t something she realized right away; it was hard recollecting a home she left when she was a child. However, the family portrait on the wall just a few feet from her triggered her memory. She soon remembered the events that followed and as soon as she realized what was happening, she immediately started to panic and her breaths became heavier.

“Itachi, stop,” she said firmly, her obvious fear being masked by anger. _Break out of it_ , she heard him say all around her. “Don’t do this.”

 

_In the physical world, his fists were balling at his side, just praying that she could find the common sense to disrupt the flow of his chakra or release the jutsu. San was powerful enough to do either one, and that was a fact. All she had to do was focus. He watched her eyes glow crimson and kept his guard up in case she had another episode, grabbing for the sword that was hidden underneath his cloak as a safeguard even though she was chained and the probability of her getting through was slim to none._

 

In the Tsukuyomi realm, she was running. She didn’t care where, she was just trying to get away. _Fight back_ , she heard his firm voice say. Her surroundings warped, and she found herself in front of the house she was just walking around in, almost able to feel the heat that radiated from the blazing flames that appeared. “I can’t!”

“Yes, you can,” he said out loud, knowing she could hear him regardless.

 

_Her eyes glowed brighter still and Itachi could feel sweat sliding down his forehead. She was already doing it. He looked at his skin and it was already turning bright pink. He was in an unimaginable amount of pain and if he wasn’t careful about this, he was done for. He would be just another mess to cover up; even worse, he would be her mess to clean up._

_He stepped closer to her, her mind still in the mental state of torture but not finding a way to overcome her panic and release the jutsu herself. Damn him for perfecting it so well. All she could do was look around at all the dead bodies. At her mother, her father, her little sisters, and even her Konoha foster parents. At some point, little Sasuke was lying on the ground crying for his parents, and her younger self was running after Itachi and begging him not to leave her._

_Itachi groaned out loud in pain and before things could get worse and his heart could burst, he warped her surroundings and they were back in the open field._

He wrapped his arms tightly around her body, both collapsing on their knees and breathing heavily once reality set in. She kept screaming her horror out and he just kept her in his tight embrace, burying his face in her damp hair and just comforting her as she wept and screamed, his face stoic and emotionless even though he was aching on the inside.

By the time she calmed down, both of their energy was burned out. With heaving chests and an unbearable tension between them, they went into the house, got their lunch, and went their separate ways – San locking herself into her bedroom to eat, and Itachi deciding to spend time in the garden in the backyard. They both needed some alone time with their thoughts, and the hour and a half of peace they got away from each other was going to be all too short.

San seemed to have gotten out her earlier aggression when she landed a few punches to his face soon after the incident. When the door slammed behind her, she placed her bowl of plain rice and garlic on her nightstand and curled up into a ball on the mattress, her eyes wide and full of horror. She looked down at her hands and saw just how much she was trembling and pulled the dingy covers over everything except her head to hide them. She could still feel the blistering heat from the housefire that killed her family. Being only a child, she was utterly helpless. Not only did she have to watch in horror as everything she ever knew burned to the ground, but she couldn’t be around to see them buried. In a panic, she fled the village and never turned back. If Hana hadn’t found her on a mission and taken her in only a few months later, she would have died from the wilderness.

To keep herself from thinking about it further, namely her time in the Hidden Leaf, she sat up and took a few bites of her food. Though she tried to think of something else, she couldn’t stop the onslaught of memories that flooded her. As she spent her lunch hour wiping hot tears from her face as she ate, Itachi sat at the edge of the small koi fountain in silent, secret agony over the words she’d shouted at him for hours and what had happened between them. He had no previous knowledge of her time before he met her, and he now knew there was a good reason. Along with those thoughts, she also had to relive seeing him leave.

Few people knew of the truth, and it was eating at him that he couldn’t tell her. Sasuke would remain in the dark, if he could help it. It was somehow easier to stomach his little brother despising him until the day he died rather than him finding out the very place he was raised in wanted him dead. He just hoped the teenager would understand his motives – his duty – and still love the village as much as he did himself.

San, on the other hand, was a whole other story. She seemed to be intent on hating him for what he did, and he couldn’t find it in himself to blame her. Not after what she just had to relive. It was another piece hammered into his masochistic will of punishing himself for everything that happened over the last few years. Noble as his intentions were, he knew he would be hated one way or another. The one comfort, and the ultimate torture, to him was his father’s last words to him replaying over and over in his head.

 

They kept training until night came, both being silent unless they absolutely needed to say something. That was going to be their routine; wake up, breakfast, train, lunch, train, dinner, bed. He could sleep in the room opposite of her on layers of blankets she provided without complaint. He’d had worse.

By the time the sun set, they were both sweaty and exhausted. As soon as Itachi gave the word that their training session was over, she went into the house without a word to him and went to her room to get clothes for a shower. San immediately sat down at the bottom of the shower and moaned in pain when the water hit her. It did its job in loosening her stiff muscles, but it didn’t make her feel any better. She watched the dirt and blood go down the drain as she rubbed the grime from her skin with her bare hands, using some of her chakra to close the small wounds she’d gotten from the countless kunai that were thrown at her. The gash in her leg would take a few hours to heal completely, but otherwise she was as good as new.

She turned the faucet off and made quick work of drying off and getting dressed in her night clothes. A simple tank top and pants was all she needed. She mumbled under her breath telling him goodnight and before he could keep her around for conversation, she shut herself in her room and went to straight into a dreamless sleep once her body hit the mattress.


	4. Sound of Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why haven't I updated in so long? Short story: I got a new job and that's been taking up my time along with lack of inspiration. Long story? At the end of the notes!

The next morning was nearly the same. They got up bright and early and trained all the way into the afternoon, though the weather was less forgiving this time around. She was able to still fight to her best abilities and hold her own, but it was obvious that the snow was a hindrance to some degree. When they came inside for lunch, she took it upon herself to start a fire by opening the chimney and using a small amount of chakra to light some wood on fire while Itachi fixed what smelled like rice and miso soup.

It was unbelievably tense as they sat across from one another and ate in silence. Neither of them bothered to look up from their food and neither of them knew what to say to each other. What was there to say?

Eventually, the silence became unbearable. San started fidgeting where she sat, looking over the room with anxious eyes, and kept tapping her finger against her thigh. All she could think about was the events that had taken place over the past few days and how she, admittedly, wasn’t ready for any of it. Kakuzu’s words telling her she was weak kept pushing to the forefront of her mind and soon enough she felt her eyes stinging – something that didn’t go unnoticed. Itachi raised his brow and glanced up at her, putting down his chopsticks and biting the inside of his lip.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.”

She cleared her throat when her voice cracked, then taking a deep breath and looking him straight in the eyes. His expression was stoic, as always, but she could see the underlying anticipation in his eyes.  He was easy to read, once one got to know him.

“I’m sorry for what I said.” At the raise of his brow, she sighed and put her food down completely, feeling her cheeks tint red with the shame she felt. “I should not have said what I did yesterday. It was unbecoming of me and in trying gain the upper hand, I only succeeded in making myself look like a fool. So, I apologize.”

There was a silence as she waited for Itachi’s response and the longer it dragged, the more she was beginning to regret ever speaking. His gaze was beginning to make her uncomfortable, so she turned her attention to his chin instead.

“There was truth in your words,” he started, his voice quiet and controlled. “However, my personal feelings are irrelevant. There is no need for you to apologize to me.”

As much as he still wanted to be open with her, that was still very much out of the question. In his stubbornness, he didn’t see that most of the tension between them would have dissipated if he stopped being so stoic. Or maybe he did know that and still opted to keep her at arm’s length. Regardless, he kept his tone emotionless and neutral.

There was a flash of sadness in her eyes and she just looked down at her lap for a few moments before speaking to him again. “Is there ever going to be a way I can forgive you?”

Itachi’s expression stays the same, but he can feel his heart ache at the twinge of hurt in her voice. He bit at the inside of his lip for a second to think on his answer and when he took too long, she just stood up and started to walk away. Before she could go past him, he reached up and gently grabbed her wrist, resisting the urge to run his thumb over the back of her hand. “Whether you decide to forgive me or not is up to you. I cannot make that decision for you.”

“It would be easier if I just knew.... _why_?”

He pauses again, his grip on her wrist just a little tighter. “There are many things I have yet to tell you – or anyone, for that matter. One day, I will tell you. But today is not that day.”

It wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but it was something. She nodded her head and sighed deeply, hesitating to take her hand away from him for the simple fact that no matter how much she was angry at him, she still missed him. She missed their closeness.

“I understand.” A pause. “Out of curiosity.... did you mean what you said that night?”

Itachi waited until her eyes connected with his before a gentle smile tugged at his lips. The night he assassinated the entirety of his clan was a hard one to forget. His hand slid from her wrist and he brushed his fingertips over her palm. The simple gesture causes a chill to go down her spine and she swallows the lump in her throat as he slowly wrapped his little finger around hers. It was an intimate act – a silent reassurance that somewhere under the cold exterior, the boy she remembered was still there.

“I meant every word,” he said. “I meant it then, and I mean them now.”

She smiled a little at that and nodded her head, turning away and moving away from him so she could go to her room. She stopped when she reached the doorway of her room, looking back at him and meeting his eyes again. “I’ll tell you about the fire when that day comes, then.”

Itachi momentarily thought back to the imagery conjured in her mind and furrowed his brows. Did she mean she would tell him about her time before Konoha? He merely nodded his head and kept silent.

“Goodnight, Uchiha.”

“Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I apologize for this being such a short chapter. I felt like this was a scene that needed its own chapter.
> 
> So there are a few reasons I haven't updated in a while, the main one being that I started at two new physically taxing jobs that leave me tired every time I come home. I work outside in 90*F/33*C weather almost every day doing physical labor and writing just hasn't been my priority. I apologize for that orz.
> 
> The second lingering reason is because I lost inspiration. I'm definitely the type of person that needs feedback on all of my writing because if I don't get any, then I feel like I'm not interesting the reader enough. Even one comment saying 'good job' usually helps me stay motivated. I've posted the story on three different sites and still not a single comment so it dug at me a little, I'm not going to lie. But!! I realize I have to get over that. I do enjoy writing and I should be able to enjoy doing it even if I'm writing for a small number of people. I'm grateful to everyone that even takes the time to click on my fanfic since it's the first one I've written in years.
> 
> Anyway, I should be able to get two or three chapters up this month since my hours have gone down. If you guys have any criticisms -- good or bad -- please let me know in the comments! I'd like to know where my weaknesses are and if the story is flowing well! And again, thank you for reading ♥


End file.
